Kama Sutra Chronicles II
On Marriage and Courtship

According to the ancient text book of Kama Sutra young women should be modest, but they should not hide their love. Marriage of course is to be negotiated, but Vatsayana believes that "no other girl than one who is loved should be married". Since such love cannot blossom unless there are opportunities for social contact, Vatsayam prescribes that when a girl comes of marriageable age she should be provided of such opportunities and every afternoon "having dressed her and decorated her in a becoming manner the parents should send her with her female companions to sports, sacrifices and marriage ceremonies, and thus show her to advantage in society." Indeed how reminiscent of the now famous European debutantes who of coming to age would enter the grand social scenes of Paris and Rome with Balls and parties only to whirled away, romanced and married off to the most romantic and rich suitor.

Vatsayans guidance for wooing and courtship are clear. Upon liking a young maid the man should spend his time with her, amuse her with various diversions, fitted for their age and acquaintance, such as picking and collecting flowers, and playing various kinds of games.

When a girl of same caste and virgin is married, the results of such a union are Dharma and Artha, offspring, affinity, increase of friends, and untarnished love. Continues the Kama Sutra, for the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband should sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and eat their food with our seasoning it with salt. For the next seven days they should bathe amidst the sound of musical instruments, should decorate them selves, dine together, and pay attention to their relations as well as to those who may have come to witness their marriage.

On the night of the tenth day the man should begin in a lonely place with soft words, and thus create confidence in the girl. Vatsayan warns that women being of tender nature need tender beginnings, and if approached too aggressively may some times become haters of sex.

Accordingly the man should follow the following details. And then Vatsayan continues to lay down amazingly detailed instructions for men with new brides. The man should begin with an easy embrace as it is quickly over. He should first embrace her with the upper part of his body only. If the man has known the girl for some time, he may embrace her by the light of a lamp, or else embrace her in darkness.

And when a girl accepts the embrace , the man should put a 'tambula' or serew of betel nut or betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not take it, he should induce her to do so by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for as per Vatsayan it is a universal rule that how ever bashful, or angry a women may be she never disregards a man's kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this tambula, continues sage Vatsayan, the man should begin with a kiss to the mouth of the women softly and grace fully without making much sound.

When the women is gained over in this respect, he should then make her talk, and so that she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions about things of which he knows or pretends to know nothing. What patience what gentle handling. "he who knows how to make himself beloved by a women, as well as to increase their honor and create confidence in them, this man becomes an object of their love. But he who neglects a girl, thinking she is too bashful, is despised by her as a beast ignorant of the working of the female mind." More over, a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not under stand the hearts of a girl becomes nervous, uneasy and dejected and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken advantage of her; and then, when her love is not understood or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes either a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she has recourse to other men: so writes Vatsayana.

So I bless all my newly wed readers the wise words of Vatsayan sage:

" A man should show the women he loves the truth of his emotions. He should confide his feelings to her , and have long conversations with her, so she can come to know the true state of his mind. He should look for the same ways from her, so he can know the true state of his mind." Thus we see that the Kama Sutra emphasized not only sexual intimacy but also emotional intimacy.

As per Vatsayan the man and woman who share in common the three aims of life (dharma, artha, and kama) are a good match. When a couple likes the same pleasures and has the same tastes, theirs will be a union of good fortune. Indeed the man and woman should laugh together, and enjoy the same pleasures. So a relationship that develops naturally and with out interference deepens over time . From compatibility comes friendship, and from friendship grows passion. Love becomes ever lasting. A couple who learns the 64 arts, and learns them well, will always satisfy each other in sexual union. They may be together each night, yet every night feel as though they are with a new lover.

And so Vatsayan elaborated and detailed not only aspects that deepen and strengthen relationships emotionally, socially and even spiritually but then moves on to be literally a sex manual for the novice, the skilled and the "man about town".